The Balance of Giving and Taking: Why Community Involvement is a Long-Term Game
This article might seem like a departure from my usual tips for product leaders and product managers, but I’d encourage you to give it a read if you’ve ever participated in a conference or community and you’re looking for ways to advance your career. I’m sharing some of my observations and hopes for the wider product community and the role we can all play in its success.
As an event organizer and conference curator, I often find myself in a role that’s as exciting as it is complex. It’s a position where 1,000 small decisions come together to shape the experience of nearly 1,000 people over the course of three days (and this year it will actually be five days with our new Product at Heart event series in Barcelona!).
On the surface, one could say this role comes with great power—and that’s something our team and I try to be deeply aware of. However, it also comes with a unique, almost meta perspective on the product world. I get to witness things behind the scenes that few others see: moments where the biggest names in the industry are the most humble, and situations where seemingly laid-back individuals are the most chaotic people on the planet.
What this role continues to teach me, over and over, is that nothing is ever as it seems. People are far more complex than they initially appear. The adage to "never judge a book by its cover" becomes a daily reality for me as I watch people navigate the spaces I help create.
This perspective helps me understand that in any community, the real magic happens in the layers we don’t always see.
Alongside this, I wear another hat—one that’s equally close to my heart. I’m someone who deeply cares about communities. I’ve written a book about how to build and nurture Communities of Practice in product management, because I believe in the power of learning from and with one another. Communities are where some of the most profound solutions to big problems are born. I find great beauty in the collaborative spirit that emerges when people come together with a shared goal, and I’ve dedicated much of my career to fostering that energy.
This dual role, as both curator and community builder, gives me a unique vantage point on human behavior. I’ve seen the best of people—those who give generously and build up those around them. But I’ve also noticed a troubling trend.
A worrying trend
More and more, I see people focusing on what they can gain from a community, rather than what they can give. In both the conferences I organize and the communities I support, I observe individuals optimizing for their own benefits, taking more than they give back. This is deeply worrying. Communities are about more than just personal gain—they are about collective strength, growth, and connection. And when we focus too much on what we get out of them, we risk undermining their true power.
A balance between giving and taking
At the heart of any strong community is a delicate balance between giving and taking. There will be times when you find yourself giving—offering advice, sharing resources, or supporting a colleague. And there will be times when you receive the benefits of someone else’s generosity. What’s important is that the balance isn’t transactional or short-term. A healthy community thrives when people give without expecting something immediate in return.
The uncertainty of giving
Giving in a community can feel uncertain. There’s no guarantee that what you give will come back to you. At Product at Heart, we compensate all our speakers, but the payment doesn’t nearly cover the time, effort, and energy they pour into preparing their talks, traveling, and being present for the event. Their motivation to participate often starts with a desire for reach, exposure, or passion for a topic. But what I’ve found is that, in the end, they value the people and the connections they make even more than they anticipated.
I think this short video from Bruce McCarthy about his experience at Product at Heart encapsulates this idea perfectly—while Bruce was a speaker, he still took the time to engage with attendees and found this to be an incredibly enriching experience.
This is the magic of community: you may start giving for one reason, but it’s the relationships you build and the trust you nurture that become the most meaningful outcomes. It’s why focusing solely on immediate gain is such a dangerous road—it overlooks the richness that comes from giving, even when the return is unclear.
So it deeply worries me to see this trend where people optimize for their immediate benefits and take more out of a community than they are giving back. Let me share more about why I think this is a dangerous road to wander on...
Long-term relationships vs. short-term gains
Communities are built on long-term relationships, not short-term transactions. I’ve seen this time and again in my work. Those who invest in communities with a mindset of giving without expecting immediate rewards are the ones who build lasting connections and foster a culture of mutual support. Short-term thinking, where the focus is on extracting value, weakens the community over time. True strength comes from those who understand that what you give today may not be returned tomorrow, but it contributes to the larger whole.
Life is about balance
This idea of giving without certainty mirrors a larger truth: life is about balance. Just as we breathe in and out, work and rest, engage with others and find solitude, we must balance giving and taking. Not everything we do will yield immediate results, and that’s okay. There are seasons for everything—earning money, receiving recognition, creating, resting, and letting go. Communities function best when we embrace these rhythms, contributing without expecting instant returns, trusting that the balance will come in time.
And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about doing things for free. This is not me criticizing capitalism. We all have to make a living, and it’s important to value our work. But even within that framework, there’s room for generosity. It’s not about sacrificing yourself or undervaluing your efforts, but about recognizing that lifting others up, contributing to something larger, and helping a community thrive can lead to growth—both personal and collective. So look for opportunities to recommend an up-and-comer for a speaking gig or share a link to an article or podcast that you’ve found particularly enlightening (and not just ones that you’ve written or appeared in, pretty please!).
So, of course, giving doesn’t mean overextending yourself. It’s important to protect your boundaries and know when to say no. Being part of a community isn’t about sacrificing your well-being or working for free—it’s about finding the right moments to contribute in ways that feel meaningful to you, while also ensuring that your needs are met.
A stone in the garden and some key takeaways
Growing up in Southern Germany, I often heard a phrase: “One day, I’ll toss a stone into your garden too.” At first, it might sound strange, but it’s a promise—a way of saying, “I’ll repay the favor when the time is right.” The stone might not be useful immediately, but eventually, it could help build something meaningful—like a nice stone wall around your home.
This is how giving works in a community. Sometimes what we give isn’t immediately useful, but over time, those small gestures contribute to something greater. The act of giving itself builds trust, relationships, and a shared sense of purpose. That’s the beauty of community—the belief that what we offer today may help build something meaningful tomorrow.
Communities thrive when we embrace the uncertainty of giving. It’s not about expecting immediate returns, but about trusting that each contribution strengthens the whole. So, the next time you have the chance to toss a stone into someone’s garden, remember: it’s not about the stone—it’s about the trust that what you give today will help shape the community for the future.
If you take something with you from this post, I want it to be these key points:
Communities thrive on long-term relationships, not short-term gains. The real strength of a community comes from building lasting connections rather than focusing on immediate rewards.
Giving strengthens communities, even without guaranteed returns. While the return on your contribution may be unclear or delayed, the act of giving builds trust, mutual support, and shared purpose, which are vital to a healthy community.
Balance is key in both life and community. Just as we need balance in life—between work and rest, giving and receiving—community involvement requires the same. Contributing without expecting immediate returns keeps the community vibrant.
Generosity has a place in professional contexts—without overextending yourself. It’s important to value your work and protect your boundaries, but there’s room for generosity in professional environments without sacrificing your well-being.
The "stone in the garden" is a reminder of trust and reciprocity. Giving today may not yield immediate results, but over time, these small acts of generosity help build something meaningful and lasting in the community.
As a final note, I’d encourage you to consider your own role in different communities that you’re a part of, whether a work Community of Practice, an event like Product at Heart, or something else. Is there room for you to give more without the expectation of receiving? If so, consider this your sign that it’s time to give that a try!