The Dream Behind the Complaint
I recently listened to a podcast episode with Kenneth Berger, and one of his core ideas truly struck a chord with me: uncovering "the dream behind the complaint."
Kenneth's insight is a beautiful framing for product leaders. When a direct report comes to you with a complaint, there's often a deeper, unspoken desire behind it. So, the next time someone complains about a process, colleague, or situation, take a moment to dig deeper. Ask them, "What is the big ask behind this complaint? What would you like to see change?" This simple approach can transform frustrations into actionable insights and empower your PMs to express their needs openly.
Does that feel like a weird exercise at first? Maybe. But we're all human and have dreams—not just for ourselves but for our teams and products. So make sure your PMs understand that it's worth sharing them.
And asking for something, especially help, is often not something that comes easily to product people. They are so used to "figuring things out on their own" that they sometimes forget that product is a team sport.
Kenneth Berger's approach provides a valuable framework for times when people want to make such an ask and you can use it as a coaching tool to help your PMs make the ask. Here it is:
Articulate what you want: Move beyond complaints and envision a better future.
Ask for it intentionally: Get intentional about asking skillfully, even if it's scary.
Accept the response: Learn from every "no" rather than feeling defeated.
Try again: Use what you've learned to refine your approach and try again.
Since many of us are about to take some time off over summer, it’s a perfect “homework” assignment for you and your direct reports to ponder and consider how you’ll bring it into your work in the coming months. Remember: the ability to ask for help is a prerequisite for having an engaged, motivated, and high-performing team.
Check out Kenneth Berger's thoughts here for a deeper dive into this concept.